Remorse

Those of us who live near the lagoon know that it has been drained recently.  So when I walked past it yesterday on my way toward the Center,  I decided to photograph the muck which I assume is drying.  Lately the ducks have been very active; squawking and flying in circles back and forth toward the water.  Each year I see ducks followed by their ducklings starting out their lives. 

Down the street I heard a tiny shrill alarm.  There was the tiniest duckling I had ever seen frantically calling for it's mother.  There were no females nearby and no sign of a nest or other little ones.  Here are the thoughts that went through my mind as I stood and watched.

   "This is nature's way of weeding out the hardiest."
"Do I think I am god, that I should save this little one?  (I have a history of killing every baby bird I've ever found)
"I don't want to scale the fence and sink 6 inches into the mud."
"Maybe the mother will hear it's calls and come back for it!"

I left to do my shopping and 15 minutes later found three mallards where the baby had been at the entrance to the drain. The silence was deafening.  Had they killed the little one?  Had the mother heard it's cries and corralled it to safety?  I still cannot console myself.    Often in my life I face similar dilemmas.  Sometimes I take action but often I make some excuse for not doing so.  This weighs heavily on my spirit.